You work out of a Hotel?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
