Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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