I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
