Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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