So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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