I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
