The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
