I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
