When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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