I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
