your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
