I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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