good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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