Farmville is her only friend.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
