Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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