Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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