This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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