i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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