Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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