Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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