I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize