i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
