I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
