i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
