you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
