Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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