Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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