dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
