You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
