the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
