I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
