Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize