OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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