i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My liver just had a heart attack.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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