when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
