There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
