shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
