your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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