I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
