I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
