Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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