So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
