whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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