She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
