So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's rum buckets o'clock
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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