Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
as a side note pls kill me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
