You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize