he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
