Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
