you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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