just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
