Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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