man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
