careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
