dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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