True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
