How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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