walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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