guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
