Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
