Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
