the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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