you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
