Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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