So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
