Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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