she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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