I look better un-naked...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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