Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
