Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
