Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
