addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
