A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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