You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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