You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
