Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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