Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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