OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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