My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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