So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
