I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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