You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
