sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
