I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
