Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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