Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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