Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize