I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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