dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
