Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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