I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm always down for nudity.
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