I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
