She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He? As in you personified your dick?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
