Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
