I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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