How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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