First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
