My room smells like vodka and shame
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
