I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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