One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
