Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
