i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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