woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
